Tagged: online dating

And now a few words about Creepy McCreepster

(Adult content in post)

Online dating is risky. Every time you engage in a conversation or divulge your phone number, you are taking a risk of running into Creepy McCreepster.

Who is Creepy McCreepster? He is the one that you know is jacking off to your photos and is trying to see if he can engage you into the sex talk. There are many types of Creepy’s and to varying degrees. All are looking to have fuel to jack off or better yet, get laid.

Dating in California is not fun.

This is a list of most of the men that I have conversed with in the last month and a half. The asterisks denote whom I have met. The three that are respectful, decent seeming options,  I have no idea if I am attracted to them, or them to me. Actually, there is only one good option at this point. Wild when you put it on paper.

Creepy McCreepsters                                   

*Paul- only wanted laid

*Tom- sex talk message as in: ‘your face makes me want to cum’

*Dan-only wanted laid

Jay- sex talk

*Brandon- only wants laid

Gabriel- only wants laid/sex talk

Good Guys:                                                     

Jeff- great guy, respectful

Lance- respectful but depressing

Rich San Francisco- respectful, nice, MIA

*Justin- nice, no spark

*Rich Santa Rosa- I was not attracted

*Rocko- No attraction, nice guy

Online dating is an arduous process. There is the pre-talk that happens before meeting, this can take a week or two. I prefer meeting sooner then later as it generally takes a minute within meeting someone to know if you have a physical attraction or not. It does take time after that to get to know them and their intentions. Sometimes, that part can take a couple of months and that is the most painful part of the process.

I am not afraid to give out my number or meet someone that seems like they could be a ‘potential maybe’.

Some fellows just come out and act like a McCreepster pretty darn quick.  It’s a blessing I suppose, no need to waste time.

Each of these men has their own stories, but what brought on the Creepy McCreepster thought today is the fellow named Jay that I started messaging with last night. On his profile, Jay looked like an ok guy. Not a lot of information, could have been cute maybe (see previous post). He had sent me his number, and I returned mine to him stating we could text tomorrow as I was going to go to bed soon. He sent me a text and here is what followed:

J: ‘K’

Me: ‘Hello 🙂

J: ‘Hi’

Me: ‘Sleep well’

J: ‘Sleep well, what do you wear to bed?’

Me: ‘Personal question lol. Not much.’  (Here I already know what is going to happen and I start to bait just to see how bad he will get.)

J: ‘Wow’

Me:  ‘Already visualizing me going to bed?’

J: ‘You’re hot, hard no to’

J: ‘Sorry’

Me: ‘np’

J: ‘K’

Me: (I had delayed responding to him) ‘It’s cool, just playing a game. ‘

J: (Sends me a photo from my profile that he has saved on his phone.)

(I am in a pool with wet hair. Imagine the movie ‘Wild thing’. I am in a bathing suit and nothing bad is showing. I now know that he is likely using this photo for jacking off tonight.)

J: ‘Great pic’

J: ‘Game? I’m in’   (really, ugh)

Me: ‘Thanks. Online game silly’

Me: ‘But team game so I kind of need to focus.’

J: ‘Darn’

J: ‘I’ll quit texting.’

Me: ‘Games over’ (5 minutes later, still wanting to know how rude he will get)

Me: ‘I think I need to take that photo down.’

J: ‘Idk, it turned me on’

Me: ‘yeah a bit too much’

Me: ‘too much for site’

J: ‘It’s natural’

J: ‘It shows you have big tits’

J: ‘Which usually means beautiful nipples. Keep it up there’

Me: ‘What the fuck man? Really so you have zero respect? Would you like someone to talk to your mom, sister or daughter like this?’

J: (no response)

So I chose to shut down the conversation before seeing how truly creepy he would get. I do think about taking that photo down, but in all reality it’s a good photo. I guess I will just choose to look at it like the guys who had posters in their rooms when they were teens. Posters of Princess Leah or whomever. If Princess Leah can be an inspiration for all those thousands of wet dreams, why can’t I inspire a few?

What is amazing to me is the lack of respect and decency and kindness that these assholes put out into the world. I get to wondering if they are closet sex offenders. Where have all the gentleman gone, or do they just not exist in this state?

So yeah, I talk to a lot of guys. I go and meet them and try to get a feel for who they are. From the numbers listed above, it looks like I have a 50-50 chance of meeting a decent man. About a 25% chance of meeting someone I could be attracted too and a 5% chance of meeting a strong potential maybe. I guess I need to be talking to more fellows. I don’t know if I will be attracted to Mr. 5%.


A few suggestions for men regarding online dating profiles

I have been on a few dating web sites and use Plenty of Fish exclusively now. I have been on and off for a couple of years. Why am I still on? I haven’t found Mr. Right.

Male profiles, in general, stink. So, I have written down a few words of advice on how to make them better.

So just a little side note on profiles…

1.      Pictures are very important! You may think… I hate taking photos of myself, I hate selfies, and I hate how I look in pictures. OK, the reality is, photos are important.

a.      I do not usually get a good photo in one shot, which means I take 20 at a time. I go through them and if there is not a good shot, I take 20 more. It’s the digital age guys… you can delete any that are not your best face forward.

b.      Try for natural light without the sun beating down in your eyes making them squint. Go out around 5:00, reverse your camera phone, take photos… pretend you are watching something on your phone if you feel awkward.

c.      Think about happy things… The last woman you loved (not hated), how you would look at puppies playing, your child in your arms for the first time, a raise at work, a new car. Happy thoughts DO come through your eyes.

d.      Your eyes ARE the key to your soul. If I can’t see your eyes… I will likely pass on your profile. One pic with sunglasses is fine, all pics with sunglasses, or your main with sunglasses… sorry that is your first impression out there. My first impression is, ‘what is he hiding? Black circled baggy eyes?’

e.      Do not have photos of toilets in your pictures. Really… ugh. Get out of the bathroom.

f.       Do not post shirtless main photo. You can add one in if you wish on other photo spots, it is nice to see what is there, but the main, no. The exception would be at beach in swimsuit. Otherwise, you just look like you want to get laid.

g.      You should have at least one full body shot. I know it is hard to get full body shots, mine are not great but they are there. Hopefully most of you have friends that would help you out with this.

h.      If I can see a photo of you laughing or being mischievous, it is very very very appealing.

i.       Please take the time to post them right side up for goodness sake.  Sheesh.

2.      Don’t lie on your profiles!

a.      It is a waste of my time and yours.

                                                    i.     If you are 54, please don’t say that you are 44.

                                                   ii.     If you are 5’9” please don’t claim 6’1”

                                                  iii.     Athletic build is not a 40 inch waist. That generally is not average, that is a few extra pounds. If you are confused on this, look up body mass index. If you are overweight then be honest about it.

3.      Choosing ‘does not want a relationship of any kind’ or ‘putting serious effort into finding someone to marry’:

a.      Both will cause me to move on to next profile.

b.      I want a relationship: I do not want someone to think ‘marriage’ on first meet or really even within first year.

c.      If you are just looking for a lay: I do appreciate the honesty of ‘not wanting a relationship’.

d.      If you are just looking to get laid: PLEASE do not say ‘looking for a relationship’ (see #2.) Just put dating if you must.

4.      Take some time to write your paragraph. It’s your mini resume.

a.      SpeelCheek is your freind. Use it. Writ in word than copy n past. I am not a grett speeler so I now this can b hard.

b.      Yes, I read profiles. Yes, I do try to figure out if we have one damn thing in common. Don’t fluff, just say what you like and what you want.

c.      Please do not expound on your philosophies in life. It is good to do a few sentences, but preaching IS annoying.

d.      2 sentence profiles suck.

                                                    i.     Someone that looks like Brad Pitt could get away with a two sentence paragraph. You are not Brad Pitt. You are a single man looking for a fish. Give us some bait damn it.

e.      Negativity is a turn off.

                                                    i.     We all know how hard it is out there. Someone very negative will cause me to think ‘bitter’. When you slam women in your profile, you are thinking that when you meet them. We know this. Hide it! You may be thinking ‘what is she lying about now’ as you sit and drink coffee; but at least she believes that you are actually listening to her.